I have been trying to avoid Costco for the past month or two because my husband and I had a budget meeting (bleh!), and it became apparent that Costco was stealing loads of money from us. I really should report them.
To get back at them for their thievery, I have been trying to stay away from their aisles of a million cans of food. And mouth-watering tortillas. And bags of popcorn as big as me. And samples that make it feel like I am getting a free meal, thus encouraging me to fill my cart to the brim with unplanned purchases.
Any reasonable person with a sophisticated palate would not be able to turn down a box of 48 pot pies if they got a taste of their deliciousness in the store. It is not just me. I am not a sucker. I am an educated woman who must feed six people (or shall we say bottomless pits), and 48 pot pies sometimes seem like the answer to my culinary prayers. Until I get to the register and they ask me for 463 dollars and 78 cents, please.
How do pot pies and tortillas add up to that insane amount of money? I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with the mountain of other boxes and bags that somehow migrate into my cart without my knowledge.
Like I said: stealing.
I tried to stay away; I really did. But I needed bacon, and I have discovered over the past few weeks that the bacon-like substance at Fry’s is a sorry substitute for Costco quality. Being a bacon snob, I had no other choice. Plus, I was hoping to look at Christmas trees since it is September and the holidays will be here any day now – right after the mercury drops below 105. (My husband is building a Christmas display for our yard as we speak, but that is hardly relevant to this conversation.)
Showing my membership card and walking through the massive doors was like coming home. I had to stop for a minute and breathe in that big warehouse smell. It rivals mountain air in its therapeutic quality.
I could almost smell the new products that were added in my absence so, of course, I had to walk down every aisle to find them. I had a crazy hunch that I might need a dog food sized bag of Thai Coconut Mini Crunch Bars to eat on my way home, even though I had never heard of those before my trip down the snack aisle. (They did not disappoint, by the way.)…