I have always been a writer. When I was a kid, I wrote stories. In high school, stories turned into essays. I could ace any test that required me to explain myself with pen and paper, but true and false questions got the best of me every time.
I took up journaling in my teen years, recording my daily musings almost every night before I went to sleep. Mostly, those journals are filled with the details of my latest crush, which is hilarious to read now. I was slightly boy crazy, but that is another story for another day.
Those pages also give an abundance of insight into my character as I went through many HARD things. Much of high school was brutal for me, and my words paint a picture of my gradual evolution as I learned and grew and BECAME something more than I was.
I will always treasure those journals that tell the story of me.
For almost five years now, I have been writing here in this space, telling a different part of my story. As I look back through the archives, I see another gradual evolution. This time, I am an adult rather than a teenager. Now my words do not focus on my latest crush (since I married him 21 years ago), but on myself, my faith, and my journey as a woman and a mother.
Although I do not write all of my deepest thoughts here for the world to read, I hold relatively little back. I find it hard to do so because these words are who I am, and I want the picture to be whole. Real. Vulnerable.
I thought I knew who I was and where I was going at the beginning of this blogging journey. I believed I was confident and sure, and in some ways, I was. But somehow, writing has trained me to see things differently – to see myself in a new light. As I have sat down, week after week, struggling to make sense of a constant flood of jumbled thoughts, something unexpected and somewhat miraculous has happened.
I did not see it at first. I was blind during the times when I desperately wanted to throw in my writing towel. I believed I wasn’t cut out for this work because it required way too much of me for what felt like so little reward.
But God kept telling me to write, even when I was exhausted and overwhelmed. So I wrote….