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Simply For Real

Parenting with purpose, faith, and humor

Lynnette Unmasked

Jun132017

by Lynnette

While I try to be real in this space, there is something about me that you may not know because I don’t talk about it much: I feel like a fish out of water when navigating emotional situations.

As a woman, I have always felt out of place in the world because I am not naturally compassionate or nurturing like women are generally expected to be. I want to hide in my closet when my kids get emotional because I feel entirely inadequate and don’t know what to do or say to make them feel better. My mind instinctively looks past empathy and goes into strategy mode when a problem arises, which is not usually helpful when emotions run high.

I desperately wish it were easier for me to process and express my feelings. I want to be a mom who knows how to soothe her children’s heartaches and a wife who excels at showing love in the way her husband feels it best. But all of those things remain a constant struggle for me.

My brain is hardwired to process things logically, not emotionally. I came to this world pre-programmed to be dependable, follow the rules, act responsibly, work hard, create order out of chaos, and manage situations and people in a direct and straightforward way. I have learned through years of difficult experience to be aware of and sensitive to people’s feelings, but it does not come naturally. I still have miles to go in that arena.

Yet, I have spent the past three years writing a blog that is almost entirely rooted in emotion. Hours of introspection each day have become my norm as I work to sort through my feelings and use them to write encouraging words that I am not likely to express verbally. Even my husband will occasionally say, “I had no idea you felt that way,” after reading one of my posts.

Many times, I don’t even realize that I feel a certain way until I sit down to write, at which point the emotional floodgates open. I have always been better at communicating feelings through writing which is, perhaps, the main reason I chose an emotional focus for this space three years ago.

In many ways, my blogging journey has been good for me. It has forced me to remain in touch with a part of myself that may have otherwise stayed hidden. The feelings that I share here are deep and authentic; I assure you, and I share them willingly.

However, because I don’t naturally operate best in the realm of emotion, constantly doing so drains my energy in a huge way. I am certain that is why I often struggle to keep pushing forward with this blog. Every few months, I come to a point where it feels like I have nothing left to give because I am just. So. Tired. That emotional exhaustion inevitably encourages me to walk away from this writing endeavor in favor of something that plays more to my natural strengths – something that involves less introspection and more concrete action. (Creating a food blog sounds pretty good…)

That, my friends, is where I am right now.

The past six months have been some of the most emotionally taxing of my life as I have tried to mentally prepare to send my first child off into the world. It will all come to a head in three short weeks when he leaves, and I am already emotionally spent. I do not have a single ounce of mental bandwidth to devote to this blog.

This summer is my summer of yes, so I am saying yes to a blogging break for an unspecified amount of time. I am saying yes to an honest evaluation of where I am heading with this online space and yes to any course corrections I feel will bring more balance and energy into my life. I am saying yes to embracing and utilizing my strengths, even if they are not the ones I would have chosen had I been given a chance. I am saying yes to living as a more authentic version of myself, even if that takes me on an entirely different path than I am now traveling.

I don’t know when I will be back here to write. I may pop in every now and again when I have something to say, or I may be entirely missing in action for a time. It all depends on a million factors that I have yet to process fully.

Before I go, I want to take a minute to tell you thank you for following me. For believing in me. For caring about what I have to say. You mean more to me than you know.

See you in a little while.

xo,

Lynnette

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Comments

  1. Erica Layne says

    June 13, 2017 at 12:06 pm

    Carry on, sweet friend! Sometimes we’re just meant to pick something up for a while. Other times, much longer… Good for you for listening as you go. <3

    • Lynnette says

      June 14, 2017 at 9:12 am

      Thank you, Erica! I truly appreciate your constant support.

  2. Janet Nelson says

    June 13, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    Thank you for always raising my spirits through your blog. I have enjoyed learning more about you as you have grown up and spread your wings into the world of motherhood. I am so proud of the woman you have become and the honesty by which you live your life. I can’t thank you enough for all your words of wisdom that have helped me each time I read them. I love that I have learned so much from my daughter. I love you and marvel your immense strength, love, and compassion for others. You deserve a break!!

    • Lynnette says

      June 14, 2017 at 9:13 am

      Thank you for raising me well and being a good example to me! Love you!

  3. Carol Wallace says

    June 13, 2017 at 5:56 pm

    I totally understand how emotionally draining it is to send a child off to make their own way in the world. For me, it was one of the hardest things in the world, and let me tell you, I have been through some hard things. Now is a good time to pamper yourself, set new goals, get plenty of rest, and let us hear from you when you can. Take some time for you. Big, life-changing events can throw us for a loop and we have to step back and regroup. You are going to be ok. Thank you for all you have shared with us.

    • Lynnette says

      June 14, 2017 at 9:14 am

      That is really great advice, Carol! Regrouping is exactly what I need to do. Thank you for your support.

  4. Carol says

    June 14, 2017 at 6:23 am

    My eldest daughter seems to be hard-wired similarly to you. She has been known to shed tears, but it’s usually because I have misunderstood her intentions or feelings. It has been quite challenging raising her. Thank you for writing this post. I hope that you take as much time off as you need to. I can’t imagine feeling emotionally drained for so long. Thank you for sharing your light. Best of wishes to you and your family.

    • Lynnette says

      June 14, 2017 at 9:16 am

      My mom would probably tell you that it was challenging to raise me, too. 🙂 When I was struggling with my own strong-willed children, she just smiled and said I might deserve it. I look forward to the time off to figure out where I am heading. Thanks for your kind words.

  5. Ashley D says

    June 20, 2017 at 7:01 am

    Praying for you, Lynnette. Hope your answer comes as you try to sort it out. You are amazing!

    • Lynnette says

      June 20, 2017 at 10:58 am

      Thank you, Ashley!

Trackbacks

  1. A Few Questions I've Been Asking Myself Lately - Simply For Real says:
    April 16, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    […] I would like to be more emotional instead of logical and rational. Can somebody manage that little switcheroo for […]

 

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